In a bold attempt to slash childcare costs (and conveniently trim payroll), footwear leader KickTator announced it will waive daycare fees by absorbing children into its full-time workforce.
The new initiative, “Tiny Temps,” recruits kids as young as three, backed by groundbreaking research from the Institute for Child Monetization and guidance from child psychologist Dr. I.M. Soleless. “Children crave structure,” Soleless explained. “And nothing builds grit like unpaid, repetitive labor.”
Toddlers will remain in the daycare zone, enthusiastically sorting sneaker parts with their “naturally nimble fingers.” Kids aged 6–9 will work alongside their parents at hotelling desks (two to a chair), filing documents, sorting mail, and handling whatever’s left after the interns mysteriously vanish. Participants will receive a commemorative Velcro badge and a juice box “bonus” for hitting KPIs.
“We’re not just eliminating childcare costs,” said COO Patty Kayck. “We’re cultivating a future workforce. If they can swipe on an iPad, they can scan a W-2. Let them earn their keep.”
Critics call it child labor. KickTator says: “Just Work It.”
