In an attempt to boost engagement (and verify who’s secretly working from bed), ArcLight Corporate Holdings has launched its newest initiative: Operation Camera-On, a revolutionary policy requiring employees to keep their cameras on at all times—meetings, lunch breaks, bathroom walks, emotional spirals… everything.
According to leadership, the move is designed to “restore connection and accountability,” which is HR-speak for “we don’t trust any of you as far as we can throw the printer.” Early results have been mixed. One employee accidentally broadcast a full marital argument, and several remote workers have been exposed for their ongoing refusal to wear pants.
Despite these minor setbacks, leadership insists the initiative is “wildly successful,” citing a 400% increase in forced smiles, a 12% rise in awkward goodbye waves, and a historic first: someone raising their virtual hand unironically.
Next quarter, ArcLight plans to introduce Operation Microphone-Always-On—because productivity will skyrocket when employees can hear everyone chew.
