Online Retailer Blames Post-Pandemic Woes on Faulty Psychic Prediction

Amid the tumultuous backdrop of COVID-19, online home furnishings retailer, StrayChair, touted resilience and adaptability. “We’re in this together!” they declared.

Fueled by 2020’s couch-potato cash surge, StrayChair expanded their workforce tenfold, promising stability and great career growth. But once lockdowns lifted and customers realized they didn’t need a fifth beanbag chair or a $900 goose-shaped lamp, sales plummeted. Mass layoffs followed, and confusion reigned. StrayChair’s CEO claimed to be blindsided by an economic future that seemed so obvious to most. How could he not have anticipated this inevitability?

According to one heroic whistleblower, all major company decisions were vetted by Mystic Moonbeam, StrayChair’s official psychic consultant.

“She told us profits would triple for eternity,” one executive sobbed, clutching an amethyst crystal. “We even let her burn sage in the conference room!”

When pressed, Moonbeam shrugged. “Mercury was in microwave. These things happen.”

Now, as StrayChair navigates post-pandemic reality with fewer employees and even fewer functioning Ouija boards, one can’t help but wonder if their CEO should have consulted an economist instead.