Employees at Alloy Manufacturing confirmed today that mid-level manager Greg Thorne has now entered his fourth uninterrupted hour of explaining a workflow diagram that he absolutely, unquestionably does not understand.
The meeting, scheduled for 15 minutes, began with Greg announcing, “This should be quick,” a phrase now recognized internally as an omen of doom.
According to witnesses, Greg introduced a diagram—an overcomplicated tangle of arrows, shapes, and question marks—by saying, “I drew this myself,” as if that clarified anything. It did not.
By hour two, Greg had compared the workflow to:
- Rowing a boat
- The lifecycle of a butterfly
- And “the natural rhythm of Q4 deliverables,” a concept he invented on the spot
At hour three, attendees reported several escape attempts. One employee claimed they needed the restroom; Greg responded with, “Great question—let’s bookmark that for later,” even though it was neither a question nor optional.
As of hour four, Greg has:
- Repeated the phrase “If you zoom out far enough” eight times
- Introduced a pie chart that contradicts itself
- And suggested that “synergy isn’t a buzzword, it’s a lifestyle,” prompting visible full-body shivers across the conference room
Sources say the final slide, titled “Key Next Steps (TBD Pending Alignment)”, has remained on screen for 47 minutes while Greg confidently rephrases the same sentence in new and more confusing ways.
When reached for comment, Alloy’s executive team praised Greg’s “strategic leadership,” explaining that “he brings a level of ambiguity that truly challenges people.”
Meanwhile, employees remain trapped, taking turns blinking “SOS” at the security cameras.
The meeting is expected to conclude sometime between eventually and never.
Comments
We have all been trapped in a meeting like that!😖